If any of you have tried to comment on this sight I am sorry to announce the incapability of the creator. I have managed to put the button there but that is all. If I get it so you can comment I will announce it from the roof tops for it is from the ditches that I do now say it is all moot.

Today I went for a walk down to the river. My folks live up on a hill and the river is in the valley below. If you look back when you are by the water at night you can see the lights from the house. The way you would imagine it to look if you were stranded, wandering the woods for days, warm and cozy maybe even smoke from the chimney. As I looked back at eh house I felt this wave of comfort come over me. Comfortable being home a lot cause I knew I would be heading back to Calgary in a bit. There is something about being home knowing you will be on adventure again.

It was amazing to walk the path that usually brings on depression to walk it with a joy in my heart. The path is not depressed by the place I am in or the people around but by the choices I have made while on this path. If I have not decided to enjoy this life and the place I am in all is down and out. This year is so much different than any year succeeding. I finely chose to enjoy being where I am, alone and twenty four. I have never before enjoyed my twenties. A new year and in a sense, a new life.

Funny how a happy time can bleed back into the unhappy. I look back at my life and see it as a joy. NO, it was not all good. That is different. It is all filled with joy and learning. Joy is different than happy. Joy to me is peace, mercy, understanding, knowing even when unsure. It is God in me. I am a new woman this year. Newer than ever. I am newly created. God has changed me never to be the same again. That is the joy I find in all this pain. The simplest of things have been turned fully around.

I wish you all the happy joy that God can bring to you. The peace the mercy the understanding the revelation. It is His to give and He wishes to.
Go under the mercy

The mark

If we all bare the name of our God on our hearts is there any way we could read it? I mean, does not every artist put thier name on their art? But does the peice of work know that it is there? Chances are it can feel it, The small scratch in the corner, the one that doesn't seem to match the over all design of the owrk and yet is the only thing that makes it what it truelly is.

Where is mine, or yours? Can I see yours and not mine? Can you see the mark on me? Is it in the corner, on the bottom, large or small, camo. or out there? I wonder what it looks like? Every artist has their own mark that is unique to themselves. I wonder how a God would mark His work?

Finding Christmas was all around me I looked up for the peace I hoped was still to be had. I knew it was there somewhere for the woman next to me had it shining on her face. I looked up cause I noticed her head coming down from that same destination. I reached for the peace with my eyes. I streached further and further but to no avail. It wasn't there. I turned to ask the woman where she had seen it, where I could find it but she had left blissfully into the cloud of people all around. All that was left was a trail of kindness. I turned to some of the others near me in hopes that they had seen or asked of this same destiny. I could see in their eyes they had not. They did not even know that this woman had stood next to them, Christmas had totally consumed them.

If we bare in our hearts a truth, one that all should know but do not, how are we to share it? How is it given to those around us? I do not know. Some want to jump on the people they see that do not have this truth, they want to shove it down their throats. Others say if you just live the truth the others will see it and want a part of it. Am I living the truth? Is it evident in me? Do you want what I have because I seem happy? Cause I'm not. Don't get me wrong things are good life isn't bad, but I find things hard. Being alone for example. I used to hate being alone and wanted to get married so desperately, to spend all my time with someone who loved me and who I loved in return. Now I fear aloneness for a very different reason. I am afraid I will get to used to it, I will enjoy it to much and never want to be with someone. That selfishness will set in and take over. I know not if there is an answer to this problem or whether it is a problem at all.

Deep thoughts by Jack Angie

I had this question the other day and as I thought about it I feel I even answered it. I will post the question anyhow and maybe you out there can think of a better answer.

It goes something like this: What is it that can cause some people to be so smart when it comes to music and poetry? The question enlarged itself as I thought and turned into: What causes people to be smart in any field? Now when I am say people are smart in music and poetry I mean to say that some people seem to have a nack for getting a feeling across with words and melodies and others couldn't make sense of a feeling if they wanted to.

Now here is my answer to these questions. I believe that in music it is something one is created understanding and knowing. I almost believe that it cannot be learnt. Yes, you can learn to understand better the concept of music, the rulesof poetry but the actual fact of making the feelings known to all who read or hear cannot. Now here is where I really started to believe this was true. When I cross this concept over to science and math it seems to still apply. If one is born loving and understanding the "feelings" of science they can better learn it and create new concepts from what I would call outer space. It seems so impossible to come up with new ideas. To see how nature works and realize that if A+b=C then there must also be a d+e=f. I feel that anyone who is smart in a field of understanding has been given a special revelation. That somewhere they are given the chance to "feel" the things that others can only know. I know in my head that A+b=C but my brother can "feel" that this is true.

Christmas

This Christmas is all good. I'm goin home for the holidays. I get to spend about a week and a couple days with the fam.

NOw the things about Christmas I don't like. Yes it is a normal disliking, I know I am not the only one out there. If you go through the mall ask your self some little simple questions. 1:why am I here? 2: why are all these other people here? 3:what is it that causes me to be here?4:do I feel obligated to do whatever it is I am doing?

chances are your answers will go something like this, 1:to buy gifts for friends and family.2:same reason I am 3:Christmas and all the gifts I must get 4:yes of course I feel obligated, if I get something for so and so I had better get something for such and such. And if he finds out I got something for her he will be so hurt. And if they get something for me I had better have something waiting for them.

Why do we as humans all go through life full of obligations? Why no just cause we want to? When we want to.

I have had a lot of great thoughts of insight in the last couple days. Things that would have fit perfectly with my blog. Do you think I could remember them now? NO not on your life. So instead I will leave you with this.

To find the meaning of life I feel you must find the meaning of not life. Now this may make no sense to you, but hear me out. I fyou know what it is to not live you can then know, truly what it is to live. Now to find out what it is to not live you do not have to go out and die, or lose your mind, but you could sit and just think about it. If there were nothing to this life then how or why? But no, there is something to this. There is a sun in the sky, a moon hanging high. The clouds floating by. If all were lost but these would it still be enough?

I just ramble for the sack of things being said. I now go to my folks and a time of thought for myself. I wish you all happy hunting.

Life's crazy ways

You know how life goes. thingscome to you and you send things out that all seem crazy and unimportant at the time and yet witht the things said or done you could change a life forever or be changed. You may never know that you have touched someone and they may never know they touched you. This I think is all right, yet I feel that there is more gratitude that could be passed around that just hasn't been. People are afraid to thank others. Why? I honestly have no idea. Like if we get caught being thankful it may never happen again. "my life has gone well lately, knock on wood" What, if we say thanks then the goodness will end? "I've been healthy as of late, haven't gotten sick for awhile, Oh shouldn't have said that" I don't know it all seems strange.

So I say thanks be to God I have a good job. One that I love and with people that treat me well. Thanks to my boss for treating me well. Thanks to the Lord for my wonderfully silly little apartment, a.k.a. Watership down. Thanks to the people who have decided to come to me to get their hair done. To the ones who are willing to trust me with their looks. Thanks to my family for treating me like a queen, to my parents for all the love they have and continue to give me. The support of their prayers. This list could go on forever. Because every day there is someone or something that has blessed me, in being blessed,I am changed, forever.

Days filled with snot

Yes those are mine. Words that fill my mind for the days flow with the goo. One whole day stuck in some rabbit hole of an apartment and one will find themselves frustrated and lonely. Don't get me wrong I love my place but a whole 36 hours seclusion with one nasty song playing around in my head like a scratched record. Oh some would say "why not just put on a CD and get rid of this song" Yes this is smart but for one who feels her ears will bleed at the slightest encumbrance of sound this is not an option. Not only was it some nasty song from the radio but it was only the one line from the song that I could remember. "the first cut is the deepest" Well the line itself does not seem so bad till you get the gist of the song running long side of it. I don't even want to got there.


Well the snot does still flow today but I am now free enough from the head throb to run loose and let it flow in public places. Yesterday I wanted to see humans so bad but was not about to call someone up and ask them to come over and be near the sick disease that I was. I'm sitting on my couch in pain from head to toe. Now this is fine cause I need not do anything but get better.Then unexpectedly a shadow and then another darken one of the only two windows into my rabbit hole. I go to my door and there stand to males of the African American kind (very good looking might I add)(yes while I am sick I can still figure this out) And there I stand in my entrance looking like something the cat drug home or worse yet like some druggy who was still drowning in some nasty hang over. Well I got my visit for the day. Not the way I would plan it but, saylavie.

Hey I have just decided to name my place and I know exactly what to call it. I now christen you 'Watership Down' from now on this will be the name of my places. I hope one day you can all come and visit Watership Down. It is beautiful.