The family I love

Funny thing is happening to me. I sit down here to write about my trip to Manitoba and am unsure how to start. NOt that I've forgotten anything nor am I trying to think of something in particular. NO, the problem lies in in that very thing, not having one thing in particular to write of. Just a long list of wonderful days. Days that melt together to create one good blur of time.

If I were to write all the details that meant something to me of this week I would go on forever. So much love was there to be had, it poured over me like rushing waves of goodness. With flowers from Nathaniel and kisses from my nieces, with loving words from my sisters (-in-law), to teasing remarks from my brothers. I have been and continue to be so blessed I'm not sure what to do with all the love. There is so much to write it could fill a small book.

Having to say goodbye was so hard. I love my family so much, each one of them being such a large part of my life in so many ways that to say goodbye and to know that I will not see them for a month and a half was sad. It is also hitting me that I will see them once more in December and then I will not see any of them till July.

They are all so sweet, each carrying their own personalities which causes this family to become more and more diverse as the days go by. Each one is such a major part of the whole I cannot imagine it with out them. I love you guys so much, every one of you.

A gut feeling

Let me first describe to you the experience as best I can.

A strange taste that lasts for longer than just two days (I'm working on day three now)
Awakening in the morning to butterflies in my stomach.
Said butterflies coming and going throughout the day.
A feeling of excitement any time the phone rings
A difficult time of swallowing my meals in full.
And an altogether light feeling that somehow has some weight on it all.

This seems a poor description but if I come to explain what I have found it to be, you may very well understand them in the end. These feelings would come often but I had not felt it for over a year now and was in wonder of what it may be. It had me a little confused at first but I have come to the conclusion that I have a crush.

I have that feeling you get when you are falling in love with someone. That heart stopping experience when they walk in the room. When the phone rings and you wonder could it be them (and you are not even disappointed when it is not, you just keep on anticipating that one of these times it will be). You look so forward to hearing from them or seeing them it almost makes you want to up chuck. (Thus the cause for the inability to finish your meal.) This is also where the "weight" factor of the feeling comes in. You feel like you are on cloud nine but the air pressure is definitely lighter and so the difficulty breathing, it feels heavy somehow. And the taste in my mouth? I am not sure if this is a personal experience or if a lot of people get it but it is a definite thing for me. I think it comes from the feeling of dryness. That somehow is seems I will never be able to wash away this taste no matter how much water I drink. It also does not go away with brushing my teeth. It does not taste bad it is just always there. The list of things could go on for sometime but I will leave you with that.

The reason I did not recognize it? How could I be falling in love and not even notice? How could my heart be in such a phase and I, wondering what it is doing? It is the object of these affections that I did not expect to have these feelings for again. I am falling in love with the very man I have loved for over a year now. That is what had me guessing. How could I actually come back to the beginning? For that is what it seems to be. Like I'm falling in love all over again with my very own boyfriend. Like I am once again seeing him for the first time. My heart stopping when I hear his voice on the phone. And when he asks me on a date? Let's just say it's like learning to breath all over again.

It is wonderful. I am feeling free to love him and not "needy" to love him. I do because I do, not because I have to, not because I am needy, just because.

A time I will never forget

I have come across the first peice of art that has ever brought tears to my eyes. It hangs even now in the Triangle Gallery downtown Calgary. There it will hang for a time I am unsure how long. It is simple, sweet and means more to me than I can even attempted to describe. It has now become a part of my life. I have been influanced and in a moment I was changed forever. If you ask that a heart could be changed so suddenly by one simple experience then let me ask in return.

Can anything be experienced and not change you in some way or another? If is something that confirms who you are it has changed you, for it has strengthend and deepend that part of you. If it shacks your belief, the change is the shifting in belief. If it seems to do nothing then it may have changed a part of you that you do not yet know. It may effect you when you conect it to a much later experience. We are not only effected by the experience but by our reaction to it. How we are impacted by this very time, space, moment, is how we react to it. I want the changes, Good and Bad, to all be turned into something my Creator can use. For He can change the very thing that has been hard to something that will grow a deeper part of me. My love for HIm can be cultivated in these very times, I can grow deeper roots in HIm and reach Higher into the heavens for His truth.