Thursday, July 05, 2007

Update: a year ago today.

I was in India dreading the fact that I must return to this, the country of my birth and the city of my "new beginnings". I was in a country where the weather was 31 degrees plus and feeling the heat was more then I could bare; oddly enough I am now dealing with the same temperatures and wondering the same thing. I was looking into the future with fear and dread that I would end up exactly where I am, in a place I didn't want to be at the time. But here I am and it is good, strange but good.
When I returned to Canada, I was shocked by the smell of clean earth, the speed of traffic on Deerfoot, and the fact that you could see girls knees and guys without shirts. The day after I my return I went to the stampede fair grounds and saw more skin in one day then I had seen over six months over seas. I thought I would never get used to it and honestly there is still a bit of the Indian way in me when it comes to guys without shirts. Don't know what it is but I don't really like to see it. (can't explain, I know there is nothing wrong with it, it is a personal preference I guess).
I returned to 25 degrees and felt on the chilled side. long pants and a t-shirt were fine by me. Now I just want to lay naked on my bed and hope for the cool breeze to come and take me away. I am melting.
I would have never thought that a year from then I would be living with my parents still and planning on going to school. Though in the end I guess I don't know what I thought would happen. Maybe be back in India or married. Maybe in another country all together. But here I am starting school and single as ever. (which are both very good things at this time). I need time alone, to gather my thoughts (they had run helter-skelter in India and had not returned with my re-entry into this land.) It is becoming apparent to me that their return to normal is something that may never happen for me and this is all right if I just let them run free. To try and make something of them has only been cause for more discomfort then anything else. It is as though I am trying to cage a wild animal which is more graceful and lovely when left alone.
So here I am a wild being left to roam free in the wilderness of my own life. Never know what that will bring but the adventure is something to look forward to.

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