Quinton and Elizabeth

Both newly introduced to myself and never to be heard of or seen again.

Wed. June 22/05, We, Nathaniel and myself, were introduced to Quinton William. AS we stood on the Ossborne bridge looking out at the water, black as ink, a man stood near by and asked what it was we saw. I said, just what we were looking at was the very thing being enjoyed. He looked over at us and said "Early this morning Quinton William came into the world." You could tell he was exciterd and in awe of the whole thing. It is not his child but a friends. How sweet it is the care people have one for another. It gave me such joy to hear him so happy. I thanked him for telling us and he thanked us for listening.

Fri. June 24/05 As I drove to Nutimik I decided to stop at Pine Point trail and do the hike. I had arrived and was taking my time to get ready. I sprayed myself, only on the legs, with bug spray. I started out and a little ways in I realised I forgot my camera. I turned around and crossed paths with a woman. As I again started out, camera now on my person, now following behind. The fist streatch of path was infested with mosquitos to the point where I should be eaten alive. Where the trail split off there was a picnic table. The woman had stoped here and was spraying herself with bug spray. A little embarassed but still unabashed I asked if I may borrow the spray. With a thick Dutch accent she made comment on "You don't have any with you?"
"no I did not bring it with me"
"Well thats just no good"
We talked for a bit and started to walk along the path together. She told me I could most deffinatly go on ahead for "I am an old woman and I go my own pace". I found intrest in the visit we had started and asked her many questions. We visited for most of the hick and she told me about her life from Holand to now. There was so much spoken of and so many words of wisdom it is almost mind boggling for me. She believed that God had caused us to meet for it was good for her to talk on the things she told me. Her life had not been easy. She was so sweet so caring.
73 and hicking over rocks and through mud. She was agile beyond her years. I admire that woman and want to have the strength of mind and heart she showed.
With Gods help I shall be strengthend for in my weakness His strength is shown. Lord shine through me, be all that those around me see. Be the light in my heart and the joy from there-in. Amen

Alone, I do hate it so

Why even an evening alone I do not like. My life is great and here I go complaining again. I had a slight fear in me that this was all new. That the desire I feel I must fight is new and forien but I have looked back on this very public diary and seen myself rant many a time berofe. Why do I hate it so? the question continues that is found in a past blog (02/03/04) why can I not get over this desire so deep within me? Okey, so maybe I don't have to get over it completly, but even for now? To give my life over to God is what I want so badly it hurts and yet I fail constently.

I wanted to say ever so much tonight but I feel my past says it quit well enough
past blogs to refer to
02/27/04
03/28/04
04/30/04
04/11/04
I did not give reference to all for then the list should be much longer. The one thing that makes me ever happy with each one of these entries, I seem to have ended every one with words of faith in my Father in heaven. So in like kind not only for treditions sake but for the sake of my heart and yours, I will say, The Lord I praise for HIs marvelous ways that go far beyond my comprehension.

On death and dying

Some of you may have read that title and found it to be very morbid. Okey I give you that, but once I go into this subject you will know where it's coming from.

I am now home a week from a sudden trip to Abbotsford where the memorial service was held for my Grandfather. He was the only Grandpa I knew for one had passed away even before I was dreamed of. The Martens Grandparents came often to the farm I grew up on, twice a year when I was yet young. The whole of my childhood holds them in place. Hardly can I think back on spring time and harvest without them coming close to mind. OH to watch as the car rounded the bend. As now would show I was not a quite child, I admit to fits of screeming for joy at the sight of it. The trunk would open in fall topped up with fruits from B.C. And hugs, oh the hugs. Grandmas so soft, Grandpas so sure. You never questioned if you had been hugged by either of them.

The casket that carried my Grandfathers body to it's final resting place was open for all to veiw on the night of the 9th. Both with him and my grandma I had wondered if I truelly wanted to see the shell of them. I did see them both and am glad. When I looked upon my Grandpa's body, with nothing left of him but the shell I had known, I was over joyed for his sake. He wanted so very much to be done on this earth. He taught me something in his last years, for no matter how much he wished to leave he always said "only in Gods time".

It was esppecialy hard to watch as they closed the casket on his empty shell. For though we all knew he was no longer there we rememberd what he would say while alive. He always said "make sure I'm dead when you bury me for if I awoke in that box I'd die". He was as clostrephobick as the day is long. There is a story of his and my Grandmas first years of marriage where he had been snoring in the night. Grandma had heard that if you plug ones nose it should come to an end. Well it did with grandpa hiting the ceiling and straight out of bed. He looked at his wife and told her never to do that again. She didn't.

The casket may have been closed on June the 10th at noon hour. But only on the shell of him. The memoies escaped and the soul rejoices for he sings in the heavens the glory to God.

Cross country

MY Boyfriends friend has left a little over a week ago to the east coast on his bike. I have posted a link to his foto page which is more of a blog than a foto space at this time. When I read his latest post it awoke a desire in me that I had lost for a bit. It seems I had forgotten how much I really do want to travel and see so much more of this world that God has made. I have often thought of biking across this vast country but always feared the lack of strength. But how much fun truelly could that be? And you know it is never to late. I have seen very "old" couples doing this very thing. I say "old" because their skin may say they are such but their actions would say something all together different.

For now though it is work that I must do. And so I shall. But I would like to say good on ya to all those who are living their dreams. Don't ever give up on this life and the things that it holds for you. And to all the rest? Well I guess I would say "try to make it happen but don't push something without sticking some wheels under it first, It's just way to hard with all the friction". Truelly though, I say, live life to the fullest.

Every time I am reminded of this one truth it is a shock to me and my system of hopes.
No matter how many people I have around me that love me unconditionally I will still feel lonely.
I am always surprised by this. That there really is this place deep in my soul that no one can touch but God. As often as I go to others to fill it that many times I am disappointed. I feel at times like I try to swim against the tide. As though I am making progress but when I look up from myself and my ways and look to the world around me I see my position has failed to change. I reach out for the coast and never will get there at this rate. I am reminded at these times that God must be my source.

I am loved. Beyond my own comprehension I am loved. And still I feel, somehow, alone.