The sense of things to come

Do you ever get the feeling that you are changing, yet if someone were to ask how you would have no answer? That something you are reading is impacting you more deeply then even you can describe.

These past few days I have been reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller.
He seems to be talking to me right where I am at in my life. Like this book was meant for me to read today. I was told about it almost exactly a year ago but it is only now that I am reading it. Like it was waiting for this time in my life.

Thing is I can't say exactly what part of me it is talking to. Like I will look at this time in my life years from now and say "oh, yeah that is when I saw this to be truth and that book just helped me understand it a bit better".

I wish I had some profound way of stating the depths my heart is going. Some way of looking more spiritual by the words I use to describe this time. That I might appear to be learning something to those who are outside of me. That even strangers might see the changes in my life. I want to look deep so that I will be appreciated as a deep thinker. AS someone who sees more to life then the average eye. That my outlook on life might be profound to someone, that they would look up to me and desire to be like me. How ridiculous is that?

There is a question asked of Don in the book. "what are you willing to die for?". It is not this question that got me thinking as much as what another friend says to Don. "Living for something is the hard thing, we live for what we believe".

So I ask myself What is it I am living for, have been living for. I don't like the answers I come up with. They are shallow and I don't like shallow.