Something is coming over me these last few days which seems to be continuing from my reading of "Blue Like Jazz" and now also my trip to Manitoba.

People have kept asking me how the trip went. How was Manitoba? The trip went well and the province was fine but my time there, that was something else. I felt stretched, chalenged. Like there was this test set before me that I had had a small idea of what the content might be and then it ended up being much harder then I anticipated.

I think I need to go and write all this stuff in my journal first. I need to process alot of stuff. God has been asking me question upon question the last while and I need to sit and think on it all for a while. It almost seems like each question that He asks I partially answer and then He adds onto it. Takes it deeper. Anyhow that is what is going on in my own life.

Then there is this other thing that is also mixed into it all. That is the pain I am starting to feel for all those around me. When I become tempted to cry "woaw is me" God all of a sudden turns it around and I see those around me and start to lose site of my own silly tears.

I truelly wonder how He can see all the pain that every human goes through and still live. It is painfull to watch my friends and family struggle with hurt and confussion. I beg in my heart that there might be something I could do. And I can't. I think that is the hardest part of it all. I cannot take away the pain and the hurt.