Waiting for love, again

I am struggling right now with this whole break up thing, Oh if you don't know my boyfriend borke up with me a little over a week ago. I think the hardest part is havning lost a really close friend. We will be friends again, this I know cause the whole relationship was healthy and even the break up though painful was clean. No nasty words, no hatered, just some pain to get over.
But the really close friend part is that I could go to him no matter how I felt. He was the one I would talk to about everything under the sun. The good days and the bad.
Today I had a really bad day and normaly I would have called him and just vented the whole thing out, but right now I do not feel free to do so. and even if he was okay with that it would be to hard for me to do right now. I would be afraid to invade his space. And I would want him to comfort me as he used to do. With a hug and a promise of how great I am. Now he could not do that.
One of the other things I miss terribly is the hugs. I miss the physical contact with a man who loves me. My dad loves me and He hugs me but somehow that is totaly not the same. I wish to be over it already so that I could already be moving on. But In the end I know I will have to deal with this for now and let time heal me. And anyhow, I am not in any shape to get together with another guy right now, no matter how much I miss the hugs. I think I shall stay single untill, well I don't really know when. and that is the way it will stay. Me being single Untill I am not. HA HA, that only makes sense now doesn't it.

Strange things happen when you least expect

So on Sunday my boyfriend came over to my place instead of going to church. I could tell by something in his voice over the phone that something was up. So somehow when he arrived I was kind of prepared for this but in the end it still struck me in the gut like a kick.
He said that He no longer felt the spark. That we should stop seeing each other. I still am shocked when I think about it. I thought all seemed right as rain. Must have been rain in the time of harvest. I wonderd (like any one would) if I had done something, according to him I had not. And I look back on my behaviour through out the relationship and am convinced of that as well. Still hurts.
So here I am three days later, back to single. I like what my one sister-in-law said. She said that at least I was closer to getting married. Cause I am obviously not marrying him so at least we are not dating anymore. So true.
Yeah, in the end this sudden shock has sent me onto one of my sudden changes in life. (I seem to do this when things blow up in my face, I run) This will not be a long term thing though. I am only running for a week, I am going to Mexico. Going to build houses. They say when your life is hard or not the way you would like it to be, help someone else with theirs. So here I go.
I thank God for how He is allowing me the courage and the strength to move on so easily. I never thought I could be so strong. Gods strength in me is always a suprise that overwhelms.

I totaly didn't mean it that way

Why is it when I say something in agreement with someone I only find out later that it hurt them badly. I hate this. A word was used that has one meaning and I am agreeing with it but thinking of a different meaning. My meaning is good theirs is bad. In the end I come out being a total jerk.

Well here I am in Williams Lake about to go and get my tooth fixed. You see when I was a kid, Like maybe 8 years old. I was at a hotel with my extended family on my dads side. As I leisurely and very carefully climbed the steps to the water slide I slipped and fell on my tooth. Seriously nothing else of my face hit the next step up, just my tooth. So suddenly there I was with one pained tooth and a chip. My uncle the dentist fixed it later that year. That fix has lasted till just a few months ago. And here I am once again with what I refer to as my hockey mouth. I awoke one morning in September of 2006 to find that the repair had removed itself in my sleep. Now truly it is not so bad and many around say it is "cute". But one friend said that I kind of remind her of Jim Carey and that was the last straw. To have a tooth that makes me think of a hockey player is one thing but Jim Carey? Oh Boy!
So yesterday mom, Caleb and I drove for about 12 hours or so to get here to have our teeth fixed. We will then spend the day here in the dentists chair and tomorrow we will be driving those same roads home again. Trust me the pain this trip causes one to suffer is not pleasant. For me the traveling does a number on my knees. (Yes I am a 27 year old with knees of a 40 year old.) Then it all comes down to the mouth, a day in the mouth (for me there shall not be much pain I hope for I believe all I have is this tooth to be fixed). My brother and mom on the other hand, wowsers. Caleb has somewhere between 5 and 12 cavities to be filled and mom has a crown to be made.
We decided yesterday as we got in the car (not one of us wants to be on this trip, it is not a holiday as Caleb reminded mom when she wanted white toast for breakfast instead of brown) that this was to be the worst trip ever. So far we are all taking part in making it so. I am amazed at how much laughter there has been for such a trip. At one point mom had to fill the coolant reservoir and so with her head under the hood Caleb and I discussed how we could continue to make this the "worst trip ever". To honk the horn would cause quit a shock to mom and well the excuse would be that we were doing our part. So far so good.
Somehow the camaraderie in this trip, the team work in being miserable together has made it much more livable. Instead of one of us trying to make it seem better then it is we are all in it together. And that has made it great.
(we still have to drive home yet so here's hoping "the worst trip ever" will continue to live up to its name.)