A gut feeling

Let me first describe to you the experience as best I can.

A strange taste that lasts for longer than just two days (I'm working on day three now)
Awakening in the morning to butterflies in my stomach.
Said butterflies coming and going throughout the day.
A feeling of excitement any time the phone rings
A difficult time of swallowing my meals in full.
And an altogether light feeling that somehow has some weight on it all.

This seems a poor description but if I come to explain what I have found it to be, you may very well understand them in the end. These feelings would come often but I had not felt it for over a year now and was in wonder of what it may be. It had me a little confused at first but I have come to the conclusion that I have a crush.

I have that feeling you get when you are falling in love with someone. That heart stopping experience when they walk in the room. When the phone rings and you wonder could it be them (and you are not even disappointed when it is not, you just keep on anticipating that one of these times it will be). You look so forward to hearing from them or seeing them it almost makes you want to up chuck. (Thus the cause for the inability to finish your meal.) This is also where the "weight" factor of the feeling comes in. You feel like you are on cloud nine but the air pressure is definitely lighter and so the difficulty breathing, it feels heavy somehow. And the taste in my mouth? I am not sure if this is a personal experience or if a lot of people get it but it is a definite thing for me. I think it comes from the feeling of dryness. That somehow is seems I will never be able to wash away this taste no matter how much water I drink. It also does not go away with brushing my teeth. It does not taste bad it is just always there. The list of things could go on for sometime but I will leave you with that.

The reason I did not recognize it? How could I be falling in love and not even notice? How could my heart be in such a phase and I, wondering what it is doing? It is the object of these affections that I did not expect to have these feelings for again. I am falling in love with the very man I have loved for over a year now. That is what had me guessing. How could I actually come back to the beginning? For that is what it seems to be. Like I'm falling in love all over again with my very own boyfriend. Like I am once again seeing him for the first time. My heart stopping when I hear his voice on the phone. And when he asks me on a date? Let's just say it's like learning to breath all over again.

It is wonderful. I am feeling free to love him and not "needy" to love him. I do because I do, not because I have to, not because I am needy, just because.