The secret you could have written

Today I read a secret that could have been from you
I love these times, you make life fun again

Even if you don't like it when I take your picture

Or when I mess around while you are driving

It's times like these that cause me to look forward to the rest of our lives together

Remember the Chipmunk in the mountains?

sick days

these are the days that are ill making. the days when you are to tired from your cold to even capitalise any letters. the days when you want to lie around and hope that your head falls off. cause it would probably feel better if it was gone.
and on top of this, lonely cause my man is too far away. why must we live so far apart, and why must time take so long to bring us together? this is the happiest time of my life and i don't even have the energy to enjoy it. booo.
i hate how one day of sick feels like the rest of your life "i'll never get better than this".

Cow food Gourmet

It has come to my attention that there is a whole world of advertisement and product sales that has not yet been taped into.

The Sales of Cow Food.

You see the food that is consumed by cows these days is already being wrapped in cellophane wrappers but they have forgotten to label the bales. Each bale holds a great opportunity for whom ever should pick up on it. And the easy part is you need not change the product and can continue to sell to a wide range of cows.

Those poor creatures, not being informed of what it is they are being fed. Where is the nutritional information on those bales? How is a cow to know if they are getting their moneys worth (even if they do not pay with cash)?

I have thought that you could label them with such selling features as; 50% less fat then other leading brands of bales, or NOw with more fiber! You could list all of the wonders of it's weight loss assistance. The fact that if you eat two of these bales compared with your regular every day bales, you are consuming only on third of the fat and they are also enriched with vitamins. It is a sad world that cannot spread information to the creatures consuming the goods.

I say Farmers, buy the plastic wrap for your bales that has information for the cows on it. And hey if you can get the more brightly colored ones, more interesting things for the cows to look at as they down that fat free bale.

On life: work, travel, and play

These past two weeks I have been working up in Olds Alberta (I still find it interesting that we call anything in the north "up"). I have had time to just think and be. I am literally sleeping, eating and working. not a whole lot more then that. I don't know exactly why I am enjoying this so much, but it is totally great.

As to my Travel plans. I am going to MB for a week with my cousin. Going to see my three married brothers and their families. Going to go camping. Going to eat at the local small town drive in burger shack. Maybe I'll lie in the sun. What happy times to be had. I really can't wait for this trip. To drive out there with my cousin is such a blast. To be with my brothers and friends, so wonderful.

I have been thinking about things these past few months and one of the things that has struck me is how much I have thought about things. Seriously, some people just live life. I seem to have done alot of thinking life. I have done all kinds of stuff but always with some attempt at significance. I have looked for deep meaning in everything I do, hoping to make sense of it if I can make it deep enough. (have I commented on this before in my blog?)
Lately, what is hitting me is this one small thing. That there is alot of "deep" meaning in all the small things in life. And deep not because of alot of philosophy or intensity but, instead, because of the lack there of. There are things that are great and relevant because there is no stress in it. Just there. Just being. How wonderful.

My head hurts.

Seriously I wanted to complain to someone but I am getting tired of hearing myself complain to other people so I will tell this screen that is glaring at me.
My Head Hurts.
I don't know why, I have tried to figure out if I didn't have enough water or too much sun. Maybe a change in the weather. But nothing makes sense.
Who care though? I ask you who really cares? And I don't mean that in the way of, "nobody cares about me, my life is miserable". I mean it like this, it will go away tomorrow and will have no lasting effect on me or who I am, so who cares.

Do you ever get caught thinking about something so much, asking questions so much that you don't even know which answer you agree with any more. I know the best thing to do then is to drop it, let it go. If I don't dwell on it, there is a chance of it clearing itself up over time. That if I don't think about it for sometime I will realise one morning, as I wake up, that I know which answer I agree with. That I will see that my opinion is formed and that I like it that way.
But, here is the problem, I can't stop thinking about it. It is too important to just let it go (or is it)? I seem to think that if I think about it lots right now it will all make sense sooner. I want things to make sense right now, not later. I don't want to wait to wake up in the morning, I want the evening news version of it. I want to predict the answer and have it right. I don't just want to stab at the dark like I am so apt to do. I seem to create answers that I think I can stand by and then realise later that I cannot.
It is silly, it is all in my head, I am sure.

Update: a year ago today.

I was in India dreading the fact that I must return to this, the country of my birth and the city of my "new beginnings". I was in a country where the weather was 31 degrees plus and feeling the heat was more then I could bare; oddly enough I am now dealing with the same temperatures and wondering the same thing. I was looking into the future with fear and dread that I would end up exactly where I am, in a place I didn't want to be at the time. But here I am and it is good, strange but good.
When I returned to Canada, I was shocked by the smell of clean earth, the speed of traffic on Deerfoot, and the fact that you could see girls knees and guys without shirts. The day after I my return I went to the stampede fair grounds and saw more skin in one day then I had seen over six months over seas. I thought I would never get used to it and honestly there is still a bit of the Indian way in me when it comes to guys without shirts. Don't know what it is but I don't really like to see it. (can't explain, I know there is nothing wrong with it, it is a personal preference I guess).
I returned to 25 degrees and felt on the chilled side. long pants and a t-shirt were fine by me. Now I just want to lay naked on my bed and hope for the cool breeze to come and take me away. I am melting.
I would have never thought that a year from then I would be living with my parents still and planning on going to school. Though in the end I guess I don't know what I thought would happen. Maybe be back in India or married. Maybe in another country all together. But here I am starting school and single as ever. (which are both very good things at this time). I need time alone, to gather my thoughts (they had run helter-skelter in India and had not returned with my re-entry into this land.) It is becoming apparent to me that their return to normal is something that may never happen for me and this is all right if I just let them run free. To try and make something of them has only been cause for more discomfort then anything else. It is as though I am trying to cage a wild animal which is more graceful and lovely when left alone.
So here I am a wild being left to roam free in the wilderness of my own life. Never know what that will bring but the adventure is something to look forward to.

Postponement

On my life.
So many dreams I have and each one is postponed. It feels odd to believe that I am actually going in the right direction with anything in my life right now as each thing I attempt gets put on hold. As though I need more time to think it through and so the time is given to me unexpectedly. If that were true, that I was to walk away from each thing I am heading towards right now, I don't understand. It doesn't feel right. And the more I think about it the more sure I am that I am not to do so. That I am to push through all that is holding me back. In the past I have been given these "signs" and followed them. When things would get in the way I would decide that it must not be for me. But I can't do that this time. Even if I want to (which I do when there are brick walls, walking away is so much easier). I have to push through, trust that God will open the doors just as it seems He is closing them right now.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Mth.7:7

There fore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?....
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow : they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all is glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Mth. 6:25&28-29

I may not be worrying about my cloths (as I have enough and i like them all) but my worries are similar in that they have to do with my well being. I worry about my heart and soul alot more then my outer appearance and I am not to think on what I will wear, then why am I to so strongly concern myself with what my life will consist of. God knows my deepest desires and longs to see me fulfilling His porpoise. So what is to stop me. I must trust in God alone and lean not on my own understanding. Which at this time is a good idea as I do not understand.