Freedom

There is a vast sense of freedom that comes with admitting to something. Once I have admitted to a thing I have tried to keep hidden for years, never allowing it to be seen as truth, I open myself up to that very thing. Now that I have finaly allowed myself to say that I am an artist I can be an artist. I can go out and do "crazy" artistic things. I can be free to drive out to the country side to take a bunch of photos of the clouds. I can drive out into the middle of a muddy field for the same reason. I can lock myself away in my room for hours to alternate drawing, thinking and playing my violin.
There is also a fear that could come with it. Expectations others may have. "If your an artist lets see your work". I have held back for years for the perfectionist side of me wants only perfect results. Also believing that if there are not perfect results then it is not worth my time. I should do something "sensible" with my life, not just waist it away with fantasies. Also the feeling of inferiority can take control. Well I'm not as good as Van Gogh or even my own brother for that matter what makes me think I can call myself such a thing. But forget it. I am going to allow myself to be this person I have pushed away for years of my life. I will allow my ego to have a bit of say in what I do. But even more I will follow my dreams (though they may cost me monetarialy). I love it, I would enjoy desperatly to go to art school. I am not to old. I am never to old and on top of that I am young yet. I will go on my trip I will come back and I will consider seriously going to art college. Why not? What is stopping me other than my fears? NO more of that I say, No more.