Growing pains

When will the growth come? The expanditure of the heart. The strengthening of the weak and lonely heart.

Sunday January the 25th 2004 I wrote a blog titled "Things that change lives". I can't remember what it was I was going through at the time, nor what prompted the title. But I do get the inclination of what it was and how my heart felt at the time. The blog written after it confirms that to me. Lonely. It seems to be a constent struggle in my heart. When there is love all around me I continue to feel the deep pangs of lonelyness. Trust me, I never dreamed in all my life that when I had a boyfriend I could still feel exactly as I always have. I love him and he loves me and yet,.....and yet there it lies deep in my bossom. lonelyness. What a cold word. So empty and void of anything. But my life is not, it is full. Where does this empty word come from? Will I never let go of this feeling?

I have gotten a clearer picture of how life is. I am seeing more truelly how I must go on. Even with love all around me, I must go it alone in this world. We all must in a sense. For our hearts were created to be intimite with our Creator yet there is a vast canyon between us. Oh how my heart yerns to be near His. At times I am angry that I must continue to excist on this side of eternity.

Let me leave you with these words

Psalm 119: 25,28, 32

My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to Your word.
My soul melts from heaviness; strengthen me according to your word.
I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.

I will live this life as well as I can for my Creator, for my Lord and He shall enlarge my heart.