Running scared

I have always been a runner. Not in the physical sense of the jarred knees and blistering feet but in a different sense of the word. When something is hard for me to handle in the place that I am in I run. If I can I run to a different part of the world. I have run far to the north to the south and across the country. At times I want so desperately to run and now would be one of those times. For me to run from this place would be absolute stupidity. I have a great job, great friends and a great apprenticeship program that I want to finish. Not only that I know of no place that would accept me and make my life easier for me.

So today I ran. I am running in my writing this. I have found a small way of escape. It comes in the form of my appearance. I am wearing the very pants that I wore while in south Africa, I have nastified my hair as it was down there, not the dreads just the look I had before, it can be rectified. I wear also the bandana I stole from my friend whom I met down there. I will then do some sort of drawing and poem writing to run. I will dive deep into my forgotten world of thought, leaning on the hope that there will be a freedom in those parts of my mind that I have not visited for sometime. Later I will rent a movie and escape into the world of the actors and their stories told through visual and audible effects.

The only thing about running that always scares me and yet, at the same time is the very draw of it, is the fact that I could get lost. Never to return to where I should be. Forget what I have that is good and believe it is all bad. My life is nothing near terrible, far from such a thing. I am one of greater imagination than even I will allow myself to believe. I imagine pain where there is none. Really the heart ache is my hunger from not having anything to eat yet today. My loneliness is my house empty of something it has never had, how can I miss what I've never had? My cold doom of forever being this way is me just not putting on a sweater when I need one. I will return but for today I shall dive into my rabbit hole here and enjoy a day of feelings.