Amazed

I was sitting here thinking back on the years that have passed. I was thinking particularly on the time around when first I met Nathaniel. I was first introduced to him over e-mail and it was not even him talking to me but instead my brother made mention of him while I was still in South Africa. I knew that he was not hoping by this mention that we would get together, instead it was a request for prayer for Nate.

Somehow when I read that e-mail I knew that Nate would be a larger part of my life than that time would even allow me to comprehend. I met him a few months later in person and I will say it was not love at first sight but instead intrigue. I saw a mystery below those dark eyes that I felt immediately would take a life time to solve. I felt a sudden desire to be known and to know fully. Only from afar did I allow myself to observe for I felt a strong fear that He would not wish to seek into the depths of me. That he would wish to find out more than just the outer (which some may look on and see as superficial) was a thought I did not allow myself to indulge.

Every opportunity to run into him I took. And the smile outside the practice room melted my heart. The comment made to my brother that no he did not see me as superficial. Or that look he gave me when first I would enter the university while he sat on the couches. Those made it all worth my while.

In the summer I heard about the girl back in Winnipeg, that was when I decided there could be no way he would go for me so I dropped the dream and moved on. But I still looked forward to the mystery driving down our lane to the house while I walked on the gravel roads. I always hoped for the news that he would be coming out but only Alex knew that for sure and he wasn't much for sharing information. I was always nervous to ask cause I didn't want to seem anxious or desperate.

The mystery of Nate still haunts me but now in a new manner. It is no longer the longing of 'will I know, will I be given the chance'. But now instead, the fact that it should take a lifetime to discover and the knowledge that I could never know it completely. This is the very thing that I first loved about Nate and it is the thing I look so forward to enjoying. I am amazed that I have been given this oppertunity, to be in on the secret that I thought would be kept from me forever.