Poems

Well here I am again. It has been awhile and somewhere in that while I had even written you all a very good entry and somehow as I was checking the spelling I lost the whole of it. so this time around I will post a rough draft without attempting to spell properly. Now enough with the excuses and on with the show.

The last post I had written (the one you will never see) was one that I had commented in about my poetry. I have spent alot of my free hours at home these days reading stuff I have written over the years. I was shocked at alot of it. I remember haveing been angry at times, frustrated, and even bitter, But I had forgotten the writtings I had spewed forth at those times. I look back and wonder if I was truelly as embitterd as they would read out. Have I forgotten the sting of the days alone so easily, the days of hurting. They have been lost in a place of the past that I may never enter again. for even if I were to get as frustrated as then it would be for different reasons. It would be new and therefore not the same. I also wonder if I have grown out of such actions, past on over to a more tranquil state, never to allow such feelings to take over again.

I pray that this is so. I know that life will continue to throw it's curve balls but I pray I am more practiced at seeing them as they come. At being able to catch them softly in my glove to deal with as need be. Instead of just putting up my hands in terror allowing them to whack me square in the jaw.

I also re-read some poems I had written when first I met my boyfriend. YOu see I met him years ago at the end of his first year in university. My brother brought him around a bit and For me, well, I must say there was a love that grew even then. I did not fully understand nor did I think it at all possible for anything to come of it (not only do I remember these feelings but I wrote them down and can still read of them). It is fun for me to be reminded of the questions I had at that time. I can't remember if I've ever told him this but I thought there would be no way he would ever go for me. That was the thing that conviced me not to act on my feelings for him at that time. I would just enjoy him being around and hope that he was happy. That was all I wanted and still all I really want.